Harmony
A new commandment I give to you,
that you love one another;
As I have loved you,
that you also love one another.
By this all will know that you are my disciples,
if you have love for one another.
Bible, John 13:34–35
It is easy to love the master, and most of the time it is easy to love seva, but there are times when we find it difficult to love one another. Yet this is what the master wants – that we serve together in love and harmony:
The joy of any gathering lies in the love and harmony amongst its members. Especially in Sant Mat gatherings there should be nothing but love and cooperation, as we are all walking on the same path back to our home. But the mind always finds some excuse to create dissensions, so we always have to be on guard against this subtle enemy.
Maharaj Charan Singh239
Hazur is reminding us that seva exists in an imperfect world. We may all be good people, with good intentions, but we are human – we have faults, we make mistakes. We come from different backgrounds, communities, and cultures. We have different personalities, opinions, and ways of doing things. As a result we don’t always understand each other, and friction can occur.
A sevadar once threw up her hands in despair after a misunderstanding with her team. “I can’t do this!” she said…. ,“Please give me some seva that doesn’t require any interaction with people. Working with others is too difficult!”
When our relationships with others become contentious, it may feel like it would be much easier to work alone. But the purpose of seva is not served if we avoid difficult situations and isolate ourselves. Some of the qualities we need to learn – kindness, patience, and love – can only be developed when we work with others. Also, little of any magnitude can be accomplished alone, but when we work together in harmony what we can achieve is limitless.
What you are doing I cannot do, what I’m doing you cannot do, but together we are doing something beautiful for God….
Mother Teresa240
Almost every seva includes two components: a part we do alone and a part we do in collaboration with others. Some seva tasks require us to spend large amounts of time working alone, with almost no interaction with others. Other tasks require continuous interaction with fellow sevadars, and we may struggle to find a moment alone. Both components of seva – alone time and interactive time – are important. Each brings different learning opportunities that are best suited to our unique needs at a particular time.
When sevadars come into our lives they may either inspire us or make life difficult for us, all of which is based on our own past karmic relationships with them. Our responsibility is to work through all these relationships. In seva we usually do not get to choose who we work with. Our past karmic relationships may make the seva either a smooth road or bumpy road.
The master sets the example for us. When passed the mantle of mastership, he didn’t say to his master that he would accept only the good, obedient, and disciplined disciples, but not the difficult ones. He accepted all of us unconditionally. And he teaches us that a good sevadar is one who can work with everyone.
Ultimately, it is our shared love for the master that motivates us to find ways to work well with each other. We experience this love every time we go to the Dera, but the master tells us it need not be limited to the Dera – we can carry this love back with us into our seva centres and our worldly lives. Hazur says this love is our legacy:
Brother, Baba Ji Maharaj* and Hazur Maharaj Ji* have laid the foundation of the Dera on love, humility, seva, and meditation…. That is the atmosphere of the Dera and that is the atmosphere which we take with ourselves wherever we may go. The Dera is not built of mortar and bricks. It is built on seva and love and devotion and humility and meditation. And we have to build our whole life on these principles. Only this foundation will take us back to the Father.241
Baba Ji has said that our satsang centres offer us an opportunity to learn to work together in love and harmony. He said we have to work out for ourselves how to do this – we shouldn’t hurt each other’s feelings, we should support each other and give help to each other. He urged us to realize our role in this. Who is going to create that love and harmony? he asked. And he gave the answer: Each one of us has a role to play in this.
Each one of us is responsible for harmony. It is up to us to create an atmosphere in seva in which everyone believes that what they are doing is important and valuable, where everyone feels they are in a place where they belong.
What can we do to create an atmosphere of teamwork and harmony in seva? We can start with being clear in our mind about whom we are serving. We are serving our master. If we remember this, we will be better able to see the master in everyone and in every task: he is the sangat, he is our fellow sevadars. Then, if we fight with anyone, or complain about anyone, or fail to cooperate with anyone, in effect we are doing this to the master. This should make us reflect. Is there a problem, or am I the problem? Is there a solution to be found, or is the solution that I change my way of thinking?
If you are in love with the master, you’ll automatically be in love with your brothers and sisters…. Love for the master will create love for your other fellow human beings because then you’ll see the master in every disciple.
Maharaj Charan Singh242
We should always try to avoid reacting in haste when someone says something that hurts or upsets us. We may get angry or we may impulsively type an indignant text or email. Then, before we know it our hasty words get forwarded to others. Words, once said, cannot be retracted. And when we react in anger we are likely to say something we will regret.
Baba Ji often counsels us: Listen, but don’t react. Reflect, then act. In seva, even if the person accusing us is mistaken – even if he or she is not aware of all the facts – it is best if we don’t immediately react. Instead, keeping master’s advice in mind, we can step away from the problem for a moment, saying to the sevadar, “Let me think about what you said.” This gives us time to calm down and reflect on the situation, or perhaps talk to someone else about it to get another perspective. We may find that the problem gets resolved on its own. At least we should be able to respond more calmly once we’ve had a chance to reflect. Our objective is to learn to respond rather than to react.
The master tells us that if there is one fool in the room we don’t need two. If someone is doing something negative, we can avoid making the situation worse by not losing our temper and not acting improperly. To keep the peace, someone has to exercise self-control.
If anybody slanders you or abuses you – don’t accept it. It will go back to him. If you don’t accept a parcel, the postman will take it back.
Maharaj Charan Singh243
Giving an example from the Bible, Hazur also advises that it is wise to avoid needless confrontation:
Christ has also told us: Be wise like a serpent and harmless like a dove. The moment a serpent hears any noise, he at once leaves. And he says, be harmless like a dove. Don’t harm anybody at all. But, he says, be wise like a serpent, not harmful like a serpent. A serpent can harm or even kill you with his poison. So he says, learn from the serpent. Avoid the situation. Why meet trouble unnecessarily if you can avoid that situation? Be wise. And, having all the power with you, be harmless like a dove.244
It is impossible, however, to avoid all difficult situations. At times the very nature of our seva may set up a potential confrontation, especially if our seva is to give honest feedback to a sevadar, who may then feel hurt and upset. Occasionally the issue may be more serious; we may witness someone doing something inappropriate and may know that the matter ought to be addressed, either by us or by a head sevadar. In our attempt to maintain harmony, we should not avoid possible confrontational situations, but we should respond to them with respect and love. We should not say anything to anyone that we would not say if the master himself was standing right next to us.
Being humble and kind doesn’t mean that we can never disagree with anyone, or give constructive feedback, or address bad behaviour. This would be neither realistic nor productive. If out of fear of confrontation we don’t give feedback when we know it should be given, or don’t raise an issue when we know it should be raised, we do a disservice to our seva. After all, inaction is also an action.
Legacy of Love describes Hazur’s way of handling such situations:
Never did he expose anyone’s weakness. Ever gracious, ever loving, if you suggested something he disagreed with, he would bring you around to his point of view without belittling you.245
While we may not be able to avoid a difficult situation, we can follow Hazur’s example and convey a difficult message with kindness and love. We can be firm about the process that needs to be followed, while at the same time being gentle with the person. If we are kind and remain calm, and try to understand the other person’s point of view, even the most difficult situations will not deteriorate into negativity.
We should never go out of our way to hurt anybody at all. We can be firm in our faith, firm in our belief, but still we can be loving and kind in our expression. Naturally we can’t oblige everyone for everything. We have to refuse sometimes, but we can lovingly refuse.
Maharaj Charan Singh246
Seva and kindness go together. If we are there to serve, but at the same time we are unkind to the sangat or to our fellow sevadars, does this qualify as service? How we treat others is the highest reflection of our love for God and our respect for seva. Of course there will be times when there are disagreements and we will justifiably feel upset. But in seva we learn that it is more important to be kind than to be right.
Too often we underestimate the power of kindness and empathy. When we give a brother or sister a listening ear, a kind word, a nod of understanding, and a warm smile, we create an atmosphere of calmness and harmony in seva.
Always speak gently, lovingly, and selflessly. The higher the position you hold, the humbler your mind should be. A sweet word never costs anything, but wins the world.
Maharaj Jagat Singh247
We can remind ourselves that seva is always inclusive. We want to create an atmosphere in which no one discriminates against fellow sevadars because of their race, religion, caste, community, gender, or economic circumstances, or because they are in any way different from ourselves. The master doesn’t see these superficial differences, and he wants us to be loving to all.
We are conditioned to look at people through the lens of our expectations, then judge them when their behaviour doesn’t match those expectations:
The fact is, we do not see things as they are. Rather, we see things as we are.
Maharaj Charan Singh248
Before we judge anyone in the sangat, it’s good to remember that we have no idea what hardships they may have endured. If we were to walk a few steps in their shoes and experience the difficulties they’ve experienced in life, we might not be so quick to judge them. This also includes our fellow sevadars. Before we judge other sevadars – perhaps for how they dress, how they behave, or how they speak – we can remember that we have no idea about their life circumstances or their hardships. During the master’s visits some sevadars work so hard that they go for days with practically no sleep, and they may go for hours without a meal. In such circumstances mistakes can happen and tempers can get easily inflamed.
If you want Him to give cloak to your weaknesses, then you should also not expose others’ weaknesses.
Maharaj Charan Singh249
Baba Ji says that we are programmed to judge, and we need to reprogramme ourselves. He often tells us that very little is in our hands, but one thing we can choose is the scale by which we are judged. The yardstick we use to judge others will be the one used to judge us. Great Master would say, “Every soul is virtuous. Our eyes and heart are at fault if we fail to see a person’s worth, for God himself sits in every human heart.”250
There is no joy in judgement. When we judge others, we hurt them, but we also burden our own soul. The person we judge may move on, but we continue to carry a load of negativity.
Each judgement is an added burden, alike to the judge and the judged. If you would have your burdens light, refrain from judging any man.
Book of Mirdad251
Sometimes a fellow sevadar may hurt our feelings. We may hold on to the hurt for a while, then decide to ‘forgive’ the person. We might consider such forgiveness to be a sign of our large-heartedness and compassion. But Baba Ji asks, Who are we to forgive others? Isn’t there an element of arrogance in this? He says that if we don’t judge the person’s behaviour in the first place, there will be nothing to forgive.
Saints try to expand the boundaries of our understanding and compassion. They tell us that most people cannot help how they think and behave, because their thinking is conditioned by their past karmas and impressions. Once we understand that everyone is trying to do what they think is best, it becomes so much easier to interact with others without judgement.
Every man’s mind and understanding are conditioned by his own previous karmas, and though he tries to project himself in his best light before others, he thinks and acts according to his karmas. If you do not approve of a person’s thoughts and actions, it does not mean that you should hate him, nor does it entitle you to speak ill of him.
Maharaj Jagat Singh252
Another element that sometimes affects harmony in seva is striving for efficiency. At times we may find that discipline and efficiency come in conflict with love, harmony, and teamwork. This conflict occurs not because of the goal of efficiency per se, but because we begin to put efficiency above all else. We may think, I have this project to finish by this time, so then we focus only on the process, the task, of getting the job done in the most efficient way possible. But because of our narrow focus, we may get it done at the cost of love and harmony. While the task is important, seva is never just about the task. Our challenge is to try to achieve both efficiency and harmony – to hold the two in balance.
It is the atmosphere and the spirit of harmony that counts.
Maharaj Charan Singh253
Harmony in seva is often disturbed if we compare ourselves with others – or with the master’s relationship with other sevadars. Some of us may believe that serving the sangat is somehow less of a seva than directly serving the physical master. It is impossible, of course, for everyone to serve the master directly. It doesn’t behove us to covet the jobs of those who serve the master personally or associate with him directly. When we come to seva we can just put on blinkers – not look left or right at anyone else, but straight at our own unique relationship with the master. Whether we serve the master directly, or serve him indirectly by serving the sangat, it amounts to the same thing – we are serving the master.
In a class, there are so many students. Some students need personal attention. Other students are so sharp and intelligent that they grasp everything the teacher is saying and the teacher hardly even looks at them…. So everybody has his own place. Some need more attention, some need less; some have different types of seva; and some have different ways of coming near the master…. We only see one aspect, not the whole picture.
Maharaj Charan Singh254
In seva we learn to focus on what unites us – our love for the master. We learn that teamwork is more precious to the master than the brilliance of any individual sevadar. And we learn that everyone has something they can bring to seva. Baba Ji frequently reminds us that “saareyaan nu naal lai ke chalna hai,” which means, “We have to bring everyone along and move forward.”
The master teaches us that each individual has a unique role to play in seva:
A carpenter saws a log into planks of different shapes and sizes and uses them at different places in making a box, some at the bottom, others on the sides, and still others on the top to serve as a lid. Each serves its own purpose. All are chips of the same block.
Maharaj Sawan Singh255
Ultimately, the only way we can create and sustain a joyful, peaceful atmosphere in seva is if we centre ourselves spiritually. Meditation is the antidote to disharmony. The more we come close to the Shabd within through meditation, the more easily we are able to be inclusive, kind, calm, and non-judgemental. Meditation makes us better sevadars. If, through sheer willpower alone, we were to try to overcome our weaknesses and inculcate the qualities of a good sevadar, we would make little progress. But through meditation, Hazur would often say, these qualities arise in us like cream on milk:
When spirituality – that is, devotion, to Shabd, Nam or the Word – grows within us, all the other good qualities of a human being come in us like cream on milk. We do not have to fight in order to learn or to develop these qualities. They come automatically within us.256
Christ said, “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there in the midst of them.”257 If we could just remember that we are gathering together in his name, there would be no disharmony in seva. To gather together in his name is to be conscious that the master is always present with us. In India there is a saying, maalik ko haazir – naazir samajh ke seva karni chahiye, which means: Do your seva believing that you are in the master’s presence and are being watched.
We can do this fully only when we dissolve the distinction in our mind between the master’s physical and spiritual presence. It is easy to be loving, kind, and selfless when we are in his presence, but what about when he is not physically there? We don’t want to be humble only in front of him, then arrogant with others when he is not physically present – we want to be kind and loving at all times. If we could do our seva as if he might walk in the door at any moment, would there ever be any disharmony?
We can practise bringing the master with us into seva in many ways. When we begin a particular seva we can quietly remember him. Simran is the best way to do that. When we do our seva with the growing conviction that the master knows our every thought and sees our every action, we will become careful not to say or do anything that would displease him.
Are you sure that I’m not here when I’m not here? If we can just know and understand that we are never alone, that our master is always with us, we are never without him, then the atmosphere would always be the same. We try to tell ourselves that he is not here, when actually he is here.
Maharaj Charan Singh258
A woman carrying many bags once entered a bus, sat down next to a man, and kept bumping into him with all her bags. The man didn’t say anything. The woman sitting on the other side of him was offended on his behalf. “Why are you tolerating this?” she whispered. “Why don’t you say something to her?”
The man smiled and said, “I get off at the next stop. Our journey together is so short. It is not worth it to make an issue out of this.”
When we have disagreements and differences we can stop and ask ourselves: Is this worth making an issue over? Our journey with our fellow sevadars is also short. To keep the harmony, we can simply let go of many, many things.
It is true that in seva working with certain people can be challenging, but we can remind ourselves that for some people, working with us can be a challenge, too. Hazur says that such challenges make us aware of where we stand in our own spiritual development and help us grow stronger:
Sister, the real test is to work with a difficult person. Otherwise, everybody likes to work with simple people who don’t create any problem. Our real test is when we work and succeed with the most difficult people. Then we know where we stand. Then we should not try to find fault with them – they are what they are. The question is how we have to cope with them, how we have to adjust to them.259
It is not for us to change others. We can trust that over time seva will do that. When circumstances are difficult, there are two ways to respond: We can either try to bend the circumstances to our needs, or we can bend ourselves to adjust to the circumstances. When we adjust, we create harmony.
It is impossible to reform another person by trying to set him right according to your way of thinking. But you can always adjust to his way of thinking. You can always reform yourself.
Maharaj Charan Singh260
However, there may be times when in spite of our best efforts we just cannot get along with another sevadar. In such situations, what should we do? We get our answer from a Sufi story.
Mullah Nasruddin decided to start a flower garden. He prepared the soil and planted the seeds of many beautiful flowers. But when they came up, his garden was filled not just with his chosen flowers, but also with weeds. He sought advice from gardeners everywhere and tried every method known to get rid of them, but to no avail. Finally he walked all the way to the capital to speak to the royal gardener at the sheikh’s palace. The wise old man had counselled many gardeners before and he suggested a variety of remedies to expel the weeds, but Nasruddin had tried them all. They sat together in silence for some time.
Finally the gardener looked at Nasruddin and said, “Well, then, I suggest you learn to love the weeds.”
What a beautiful lesson there is in this for us. Most of us do our best to maintain harmony, and this is no small thing – it requires us to adjust, to yield, to curb our egos. Yet this is not enough. Clearly the master wants more from us. The royal gardener didn’t tell Mullah Nasruddin to tolerate the weeds, he told him to learn to love the weeds!
But how can we love a fellow sevadar who is arrogant or hurtful? Mystics teach that we don’t have to like someone to love them. We are all brothers and sisters in our master’s spiritual family. In this family, as in all families, there will be people we like and those we don’t like, but we don’t reject them, we don’t ostracize them. We don’t stop coming for seva because of them. If we consistently try to behave in a loving way with them, over time, genuine love and respect for them can develop within us.
The master’s love is the glue that holds us all together. In a beautiful letter to disciples, Great Master urges us to maintain love and harmony in our spiritual family:
With love and humility, forget each other’s apparent mistakes or faults, and make due allowance for differences of opinion. Let no one ever try to establish his own opinion or set his own way against the will of the majority. Love and harmony are vastly more important than the opinion of any one. As Jesus said, so long ago, so I now repeat to you: “By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, that you love one another!”
He who forgets this law and injects into the satsang the least element of discord is no longer my disciple in spirit and in love. He is simply a disobedient child. All of you have my unstinted love and blessing, and I hope that the law of love shall be your supreme law and your guiding principle. Remember that one man’s opinion is of no importance whatsoever, when set over against the principle of love and harmony. No matter whether any one of you likes anything that is done or not, keep sweet harmony and love, and let the majority govern.261
As one sevadar put it so beautifully: “Every sevadar is a small but essential piece of a very big puzzle, and each one of us has a role to play. If one piece is missing the puzzle cannot be completed. As individual puzzle pieces we should stop worrying about whether we are a big piece or a little piece. We can stop worrying about the outcome of our individual seva. When we surrender and fit ourselves into the puzzle, the full image will automatically emerge. And, ultimately, whose image is it? None other than the Supreme.”