Our Scatteredness

Perhaps most of us don’t think we are anywhere near the still, focused and peaceful disciples we once thought we might be by now. A Sufi poet, Shaikh Abil-Kheir, describes our plight.

One moment, You are all I know, Friend.
Next moment, eat, drink and be merry!
Another moment, I put every beast in shame.
O’ Friend, How will this scatteredness that is me
find its way to You?
_{Nobody, Son of Nobody,renditions by Vraje Abramian}

This is a good question.

The mystic poets understand the human condition. The teachings of the saints in every mystical tradition are straightforward; they tell us the kingdom of God is within us. We must turn our attention away from the transitory pleasures of the world and focus our attention inward. It all sounds simple enough: quiet the mind; focus our attention; “Be still, and know that I am God”; the Master will be our ultimate friend and companion; he waits for us at the eye centre. All we need to do is just follow the four vows and do our meditation every day.

And sometimes, when we are in the presence of our Master, or when we remember him, we do say, “Yes, you are the one I want to give my time and attention to.” But then, as the poet notes, the next moment we are out frolicking in the creation. We pursue the sense pleasures – looking for the best vegetarian desserts, the most enticing distractions, the latest high-tech gadgets – and we wonder why the world isn’t providing us with more happiness and satisfaction.

Thus Abil-Kheir asks a central question on behalf of everyone who has not yet realized the Shabd form of the Master within: “How will this scatteredness that is me, find its way to You?”

That question is also asked by others. Sarmad, a seventeenth-century Indian saint, observes in Sarmad, Martyr to Love Divine:

Sometimes I seek the world.
Sometimes spirit …
I am drowning in the sea of shame and regret.
My only wish is that even for one breath
I may not forget You.
But alas! with every breath I am negligent.

Sarmad, speaking on behalf of every struggling soul, says: I’d like to focus on you, God, with even one breath. And I can’t even do that!

We try to focus. We try to give our attention. We listen for advice in satsang about how to have more disciplined lives, how to have a better attitude and for ways to trick the mind into doing more simran. And the results aren’t very impressive. Hafez asks:

Who resides inside my weary heart?
I remain silent full of passion and fight!
Discord rules my heart: Oh, where are you, musician!
Sing your tune; bring harmony to this patrician …
Bereft of sleep, heart breaking with empty thoughts,
Hung over for a thousand nights! Where is the tavern?
_{The Poems of Hafez, translation by Reza Ordoubadian}

Where indeed, is our treasure house, the source of comfort, what Hafez calls “the tavern?”

All the good advice on how to meet and find God isn’t providing us with what we long for – hearing and merging with the Shabd within. Maharaj Charan Singh used to say that if you are hungry, your hunger will not be satisfied by reading recipe books.

It is perfectly correct that the Masters tell us that we must sit in meditation with no expectations. Our task is to be obedient to the vows we have freely taken. Out here in the world, we are to pay off our karmas and follow the spiritual practice with gratitude. We can be appreciative that we have a spiritual path that promises to take us to our true home. We can be grateful for good companions and the grace to attend satsang and to sit in meditation.

But meanwhile, we remain unsatisfied. And the mystics and saints maintain that our sorrow and dissatisfaction are gifts from God. Sarmad does not suggest that we consult a doctor to see if our broken hearts can be mended. He writes in Sarmad, Martyr to Love Divine:

Every moment, and everywhere,
I am aware that your grace and forgiveness,
Outweigh my transgressions …
My dark deeds cannot outdo your compassion.…

My feet have worn these chains for a lifetime.
But even if I’m imprisoned by countless sins,
I have hope for a thousand salvations,
in a single act of his grace.

Hazur says in Spiritual Perspectives, Vol. III, “In our life, there’s a miracle at every step.” But do we know that? Do we understand how close the Master is to us and how perfectly he is guiding us? If a disciple asks, “How will this scatteredness, that is me, find its way to You?” What does the Master say?

Here are five hints of encouragement.

First hint: Let go, trust him. This is his play, and he will bring about our transformation in his way, on his schedule and according to his plans. He is coming for us. Our loving, divine parent will never abandon us. When we let go, we are letting go of the ego, of our own delusions of being in control.

When we let go, when we admit that this journey has nothing to do with our strength, our virtue, or our capacity, then we can relax. Then we become aware of his presence.

Second hint: Or in this case, much more than a hint because this is a direct command: We have to meditate. He begs us to do our meditation. Why? The simplest answer is that we are told that our efforts in meditation please the Master. Whether we believe our meditation is successful or not is completely irrelevant. As the poet Hafez notes, “Hafez, your duty is uttering prayers, that’s all: never mind if He hears it – or not.”

Great Master, Maharaj Sawan Singh, wrote to his Master with questions about his meditation. When we read the replies of Baba Jaimal Singh in the book, Spiritual Letters, it is astonishing how many times he calls the Great Master, “My obedient son.” Apparently his obedience is critical. And even a Master in the making, needs to be reminded of how important meditation is.

Baba Jaimal Singh writes:

Bhajan and simran are to be done daily, my son. This is a command for all of you, because you mark your presence in the court of the Lord when you listen to the Shabd-dhun every day. The sound of the Shabd-dhun is the spiritual cord of the Anami Being. It is doing everything through its presence within the body of each individual. He who has met with a perfect Master … and has been handed the cord of Shabd-dhun – his daily effort is registered in Sach Khand, every day.

The third hint is that “we should never lose heart.” Those are Hazur’s exact words in a letter in Quest for Light. Hafez reminds us, “On the way, what comes to the disciple is blessing: in the straight path of truth, no one is lost!” We can trust that the Father will find us.

The fourth hint is that our anguish, our confusion and our bewilderment are gifts. And rather than being a barrier to the Lord’s presence, they are a mysterious part of our way home. We might have assumed that our sins and our sorrows are terrible obstacles between us and the Lord. We don’t yet know that there are no barriers to the power of love. Nothing in us, no shortcomings of our heart or mind can prevent our Master from taking hold of our hand.

Which brings us to the last hint. The only way our scatteredness will find its way to the Radiant Form of the Master within is through his grace. Our prayers for grace rise out of our need. Our need is real. We feel far away. Remember the words of the mystic, Sarmad,

I have hope for a thousand salvations,
in a single act of his grace.

What does Hazur have to tell us about grace? He says:

Everything happens by grace. Without his grace, nothing can happen. Unless he wishes, nobody can reach him. We are all blind, groping in the dark. He is the only one who can show us the light out of this darkness….

His guiding hand is always there, whether we are conscious of it or not conscious of it. For our spiritual development, he is always there to help us in every way.
_{Spiritual Perspectives, Vol. II}

Within the heart itself the Master’s light is seen.
To see the Master’s light,
  Why should I wander searching?
He can be known inside everyone –
  Being quiet at home is the way to see him.
To the true, Paltu, he is near, But from the liar distant.
Within the heart itself the Master’s light is seen.
_{Paltu, quoted in Kabir, the Great Mystic}