A Change of Character

The change of character which comes about through the struggle to practise the presence of God is both a means and a result.

You are offered the bait of delight. You taste it and it is withdrawn. Then with great care you watch yourself to see what are the most propitious moments and states of mind for this delight to reappear. You try not to let yourself get excited in your daily activities, either pleasurably or unpleasurably, because then at the time of meditation your mind will not be still enough for your spirit to feel that presence. You plan your day with careful economy so as to allow the greatest amount of free time for meditation.

Your whole life becomes a conspiracy with yourself to escape into God. And yet when escape is not possible, you cannot afford to allow yourself the least impatience, because impatience, too, defeats your end.

So you see yourself slowly becoming quiet, calm, patient and aloof, and you wonder at yourself with great and secret joy. Because all this seems infinitely right, exactly what you were made for. And there is contentment in your heart, so deep as to be unruffled by surface annoyances.
_{Nancy Pope Mayorga, The Hunger of the Soul: A Spiritual Diary}