Am I Worthy?
God creates out of nothing. Wonderful, you say. Yes, to be sure, but he does what is still more wonderful: he makes saints out of sinners.
Soren Kierkegaard, as quoted in Quotes for the Journey, Wisdom for the Way
Starting a spiritual journey can be a difficult task. Often, we do not even know where to begin. It usually starts with an internal feeling of unrest, which then leads us to question if there is more to life. The world with all its glitter and glamour, no longer seems appealing. In fact, at times, we find ourselves feeling lonely and empty, despite being in the company of the people we love. More often than not, this feeling triggers our search for something more.
Then one day we find ourselves being drawn to a path that seems to hold the answers we are looking for. We are pulled by a power we do not know or completely understand, and we decide to walk down that road. We start learning about the path and what it entails – the lifestyle, the vows, the commitments and the end goal. It is at this point that doubt may start to creep in.
Am I capable enough of upholding the vows? What if I succumb to peer pressure? My lifestyle does not align with this path at all, what am I even doing here? Everyone around me seems to have it figured out, why am I struggling? Am I even worthy enough to walk down this road?
When these questions and doubts start forming in our mind, we need to remind ourselves of the greatest misconception we may have had when we started this journey – we do not come on the path because of our own will. It was not our own decision or action that brought us here.
We have often heard in many satsangs that all that has happened and all that will happen in our lives is already predestined; we just have to wait for it to unfold naturally at the right time. Without his will, nothing moves.
The Lord will put you on the path. It is not you who are seeking. It is the Lord who is seeking you. The Lord is pulling you from within, and when the Lord makes you receptive, he will automatically put you on the path through someone. You just have to be receptive to the pull of the Lord.
Maharaj Charan Singh, Spiritual Perspectives, Vol. II
Having established this truth, we can then rest assured that it was also his will that brought us to the spiritual path. And it is only with his will that we can go back to the Father.
If we are on this path it is because he willed it, surely he has not made a mistake, for the Lord never makes mistakes. The loneliness that we initially felt was his gift to trigger our search for him. Our searching for a path and the Master was actually him finding us. So the next time we find ourselves struggling with doubt and questioning whether or not we are meant to be on this path, we need to remind ourselves that it was by his great design that we were pulled onto this road. It was his will that led us to a true Master, and it is only through his will that we will move forward and succeed in this journey. He has already deemed us worthy; all we have to do is put in our effort.