What Choices Are We Making?
When there is oppression, the only
self-respecting thing is to rise and
say this shall cease today, because
my right is justice.
Sarojini Naidu
Perhaps we are shocked by the facts presented in this book. We should be! When viewed comprehensively, the facts about the escalation and consequences of sex-selection are shocking enough to make us feel very disturbed. So let us ask ourselves some questions about the choices that are implicit to these statistics.
What choices are we making as a society?Are we a nation of mass murderers? Whose job is it to protect our daughters? Does a girl not have a right to be born in our country?
For how long can we continue to tolerate or justify the cruelties perpetrated on women as somehow required by tradition? How is our society well-served by a tradition that forces a woman to practically sever her relationship with her parents when she gets married; that denies her the right to take care of her elderly parents; that denies her an inheritance from her parents? How is our society well-served when our Constitution is set aside, and half our population is denied the same rights to education, health, freedom, opportunity and equality as the other half?
What place does a tradition like dowry have in the 21st century? Why do we even accept as normal such a one-sided, oppressive practice? Is it not time to relegate the ancient tradition of dowry into the trash bin of history, right along with other such traditions like sati?
After parents have killed off their daughters, where will they go to find brides for their sons? Can our society afford to have hundreds of thousands of unmarried, marginalized men with no outlet for their frustration? Are we comfortable with the rate at which crime against women is steadily increasing? Are we comfortable with the prospect of practices like bride-buying and polyandry becoming so commonplace that they become the traditions of our future?
When we read about a dowry death or female foeticide in the newspaper and just turn the page, unaffected, is it because we have become hard-hearted and indifferent, or has our own sense of powerlessness made us numb? And if we do not react to this outrage, who will?
What choices are we making as a family?How many people are trapped in their everyday habits: part numb, part frightened, part indifferent? To have a better life we must keep choosing how we are living.
Albert Einstein
As a nation, we pride ourselves on our strong family values. Let us reflect on this for a moment ...What are these family values? Is it a family value to love our sons but not our daughters; to love our sons but not our daughters-in-law; to marry off a vulnerable, under-aged child; to sell our daughters in the dowry market; to disinherit our daughters? Is it a family value to artificially “balance” the family – to have a son by killing preceding daughters?
Surely our values are, instead, to create a family in which all members are loved and treated equally, where all members are empowered to make decisions, and where all are given equal opportunity to achieve their utmost. Surely we realize that the way we treat any one relationship in the family will eventually affect every other relationship in the family.
If we do not teach our children, society will.
And they – and we – will live with the results.
Stephen Covey
Marriage is one of the key institutions of civilization. For a marriage to be successful, it takes two people, a man and a woman, working in partnership. The family unit they create is a fundamental building block of society, the medium through which we impart values to the next generation. When there is no emotional stability in the family unit, it is traumatic for children. Unstable and unhappy children will go on to create an unstable and chaotic society. On the other hand, a happy family with strong family values will produce children with high self-esteem, children who enrich the world around them, children who are catalysts of change.
What choices are we making as individuals?Do we believe God makes a mistake when he gives us a baby girl? Do we realize that we are trying to “play God” when we tamper with the natural order of things?
Modern technology will keep moving forward; it cannot be stopped. But technology is in the hands of human beings – it is in our hands – and we have to individually exercise our discrimination when we use it. Nuclear technology was a great invention, but it can be used to provide energy to millions of people or to kill millions in an instant. The choice is ours. Ultrasound technology was meant to detect diseases in the foetus and to protect both mother and baby from harm. Now it is being misused as a tool for sex-selection. Again, the choice is ours.
Today, sex-selective abortion is considered to be wrong because it involves taking a life. But this may not always be the case. Pre-implantation genetic techniques are being developed that will make it possible to pre-determine the sex of the child. When this technology becomes readily available we will be able to have a son without the mess and guilt of an abortion. Will such gender determination be a moral act? It will still be sex-selection. Is it for us to choose the gender of our children? One day, we may be able to choose to have a son who is perfect – 6 feet tall, with beautiful features and great strength and intellect. Will we then choose this option? Where will the quest for a perfect son end?
Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.
Goethe
Is the thing which matters most – our own soul – at the mercy of things that will, at the end of our days, not matter in the least: worldly riches, family name and status in society? As we try to increase our wealth and status – by having sons at the expense of daughters, taking dowry and hosting lavish weddings – are we not compromising on our principles in the process? Can a life built on another’s suffering ever bring us happiness?
Are we comfortable with the choices we are making – as individuals, as families, as a society? Indifference is also an action. Silence is also a choice. If each one of us does not do something to stem this crisis, we will have to face the consequences of our silence.