Listening

Love listens. It is its first task to listen.
_{Paul Tillich}¹⁰⁴

To do any seva successfully, we first need to be silent and listen. When we listen with attention and love, we put our ego aside and are essentially saying to another person, “Tell me what you would like me to do; your opinion matters to me.” In the process, we improve the quality of our relationships with the sangat and with our fellow sevadars, we make fewer mistakes, and we open ourselves to change and growth. This makes us better sevadars.

Listening with attention
At one centre, some sevadars were building a retaining wall at the bottom of a hill. They were almost finished when a new sevadar arrived, eager to help with the project. The newcomer was asked to go to the top of the hill and bring down a wheelbarrow loaded with three blocks of concrete. Minutes later, a yell was heard. There was the new sevadar, trying to control a wheelbarrow that was hurtling down the hill, loaded not with three, but with many blocks. The law of gravity took over and everything crashed to the bottom. After the laughter died down, everyone present took this as a lesson on why to listen and obey and simply do the task as we had been asked to do.When instructions are given there is always some logic to it. We can either follow the instructions or we can ask what the logic is, before we rush to make our own improvements to the process. When we don’t listen attentively to what is being said, mistakes can happen.

Making mistakes is one issue – we all make mistakes. But there is an important connection between how we listen and the quality of our seva and our relationships with the other sevadars. In seva we often tend to focus on the task at hand. We tend to be less focused on the people with whom we are doing the task. But this missing focus is usually where the more challenging work of seva lies, because people approach the same task with different ideas and perspectives.

The challenge is to truly listen to others, even if we don’t agree with them. It is important to understand the other person’s perspective and to clearly and unemotionally explain ours. Only then can a mutually agreed way forward be found. Such listening fosters strong relationships and a productive and harmonious seva atmosphere. If we miss the very first step of listening, the entire chain of communication often breaks down and misunderstandings occur.

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.
_{Stephen Covey}¹⁰⁵

Distracted listening or interrupting others while they are still speaking are signs of the mind wanting to be in control, that we want to show others how much we know or how little they know. But this comes at a price – we hurt others and spoil our relationships with them. Also, people who are interrupted or overridden, or who feel humiliated in front of their peers, tend to give up and stop making suggestions. In the process, we lose out on valuable ideas and feedback.

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.
_{J. Krishnamurti}¹⁰⁶

There are also times when we are so keen to get on with our seva that we’ve already made up our mind about what needs to be done and have stopped listening, even though the person giving the instructions is still speaking. We hear them talking but don’t listen attentively. This hurried, partial listening can lead to mistakes. A Buddhist monk recalls that when he was a young student, his teacher once called him in to talk. When they were done, the student left the room, but in his rush to leave and do the next thing, he left the door half-open. His master called out to him and said, “Why didn’t you close the door? I asked you to close the door when you left.” All of a sudden it hit the disciple that he had been in such a hurry to get somewhere and do something, he had not been fully present. His master was speaking to him and he hadn’t listened completely! Many would consider leaving a door ajar to be a very small thing, but this was all he needed to learn his lesson. After that, he trained himself to be aware, to always listen, and be present in each moment. He himself is the master now.

We all need to practise being attentive listeners. We put aside feelings of boredom or impatience. We put away our own desires and concerns. Even if we don’t agree with the speaker, we should try to listen with patience and genuine interest. One of the most sincere forms of showing respect to someone is to listen attentively to what that person has to say.

The humble listen to their brothers and sisters because they assume they have something to learn. They are open to correction, and they become wiser through it.
_{Thomas Dubay}¹⁰⁷

If we are head sevadars we have a responsibility to become exceptionally good listeners. The sevadars working on the actual tasks will always have ideas for improvement. When we listen with respect and openness, even if not all the ideas can be adopted, we may learn ways to do the job better. It is important that sevadars feel that they are being heard. It is not about whether we agree or disagree; it is enough if we just listen carefully and convey that we have understood what has been said. The sangat is best served when everybody is heard and all ideas are considered.

By the same token, sevadars need to listen to the instructions they are given – not just to the words, but to understand their meaning, because we listen with the intention to correctly follow the instructions. Careful listening will let us reflect on what is being said, ask questions, and get clarifications, because we want to do the job right the first time.

So, all sevadars have a shared responsibility to listen attentively to one another.

Listening with love
When we listen with love we create an atmosphere of harmony among sevadars and in the sangat. To listen with love requires a compassionate heart – we put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and simply listen without judgement.

At a large satsang centre in India, a decision was made to revamp the special needs enclosure where the elderly and disabled are seated and cared for during the master’s satsang. The first thing the sevadars did, prior to making any improvements, was to set up a call centre to learn how they could better serve the elderly sangat. Young sevadars, most under twenty-five years of age, were given the seva of making phone calls to each member of the special needs sangat. Over a period of a few days, fifty sevadars made almost 5,000 phone calls.

The elderly sangat were touched and overwhelmed. Someone had cared enough to call and ask what their needs were! Over and over again they blessed the young sevadars for taking the trouble to call them. Some of them wept because they had not been able to visit the master for years; they were dependent on others who were either unable or unwilling to bring them for satsang. One person said that her eighty-five-year-old mother could not climb down two floors and asked if sevadars could carry her down and help bring her to satsang. A couple said that their twenty-five-year-old son was at home now on life support, and since they had to take care of him 24/7 they had not been able to see the master for many years. Another elderly couple cried bitterly because they had neither the means nor the family support to get to satsang.

Overjoyed that a call had come from the ‘master’s house,’ the elderly sangat talked to the youngsters about their problems. The young sevadars, phone in hand, took notes while tears streamed down their faces as they quietly listened to the elderly satsangis tell them of their isolation and suffering and of their longing to see the master.

As a result of this massive exercise in listening, several things were improved, beginning with the criteria for who qualified to be seated in the special needs enclosure. The process of ferrying the special needs sangat from the parking lot to the enclosure was revamped, the wheelchair service was redesigned, the seating in the enclosure was reworked, special toilets were designated, and a separate canteen was set up with food appropriate for the elderly. In addition, an ambulance service was organized to bring in the handful of sangat who were critically ill or on life support, so they too could get the benefit of master’s darshan.

This is the power of listening with love!

A path of listening
A spiritual teacher once said that silence is not the absence of noise – it is the absence of self. It is only when we become silent – empty of ego – that we become capable of truly listening. Sant Mat is a path of listening – listening to the Shabd within. But if we don’t listen to the master on the outside, how can we ever hope to hear the divine melody within? Physical seva is the training ground where we are given endless opportunities to practise listening externally. And we practise listening to satsang, to our fellow sevadars, and to the needs of the sangat. We practise listening to the master, trying to develop a deeper understanding of what he wants of us.

How well we listen has an impact not only on seva and meditation, but also on our worldly work and the quality of our relationships with family and friends. Listening helps us to avoid many of the misunderstandings, problems, and arguments we would otherwise encounter. Listening with compassion to anyone who is suffering is an act of seva.

When we practise listening with attention, we develop a crucial skill – the ability to listen attentively within. And when we practise listening with love, we train ourselves to attune to the Shabd – the power within that is pure love.

suniyai andhe paavahi raah.
suniyai haath hovai asgaah.

Listening – even the blind find the path.
Listening – the unreachable comes
within your grasp.
_{Guru Nanak Dev}¹⁰⁸