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2. Being a Teenager Today
3. What’s Coming Up
4. Suicide – the Toughest Chapter

I’ll take your hand when thunder roars
And I’ll hold you close,
  I’ll stay the course.
I promise you from up above
That we’ll take what comes,
  take what comes, love.
_{Imagine Dragons, Walking the Wire}

Please read every word of this chapter. Skim or skip whatever else you want, but read this one. If it’s not important for you, it could be important for a friend.

For teens globally, suicide is the third leading cause of death, after road accidents and HIV deaths. In nations where HIV isn’t rampant, suicide generally comes in second.

Why would a person kill himself/herself? What could create such hopelessness that death seems to be the only escape?

Sometimes we just don’t know, because people take the answers with them when they die. Only approximately one in three people who commit suicide leave a note. However, many people have attempted suicide – most of whom have lived for years afterwards and eventually died of natural causes – and we’ve learned from them. Lots of others have seriously thought about it and shared those thoughts. Thinking of suicide is far more common than most of us know.

A very sad stat: About 30% of transgender individuals have tried to commit suicide, 6.5 times the average rate. They live, and too often die, with the pain of never feeling like they “fit in.” Gay and transgender youth are 3 times more likely to think seriously about suicide than their straight peers.

Suicide victims often believe they do not belong and/or they are a burden to others.

These beliefs can arise from many different situations. Particularly for teens who feel suicidal, the fear of disappointing parents, peer issues, bullying, or the breakup of a relationship can make them feel that they have problems with no solutions. They feel hopeless. Suicide starts to look like the only way out, the only relief from pain. But it’s not.

Honestly – you want honesty, right? – maybe no counselor can cure the family issues. Maybe the relationship is just done. Maybe the problems can’t be fixed. But you, or a friend, can get help to learn how to cope with them in healthy, effective ways. Many people recover from suicide attempts and have hopeful futures.

At the end of this book (in the “If you want to dig deeper” section) are resources about suicide. However, your greatest resource is a person you trust.

The American Association of Suicidology speaks directly to people considering suicide. Those who have recovered from a suicide attempt want you to know that:

You are not alone. You matter. Life can get better. It may be difficult, but the effort you invest in your recovery will be worth it.

Right now, moving forward may seem impossible. And while it probably won’t be easy, many other survivors will tell you that they’re glad they held on and worked for a better life. By taking a few steps now, and then a few more when you’re ready, you can regain your strength.

People who are thinking about killing themselves may send out signals. Knowing how to read those signals can make a difference.

What are the warning signs of suicide? Think, “IS PATH WARM” to help you remember. Those three words together don’t make great sense, but the concepts they describe are crucial.

If you or someone you know is showing some of these signs, talk to someone. Talking is brave. Sometimes people think that admitting they have suicidal thoughts is admitting that they’re weak, but just the opposite is true.

It’s okay to admit you are experiencing the IS PATH WARM stuff. Difficult but courageous. Of course, everyone feels these things from time to time, but if you find yourself/someone you know frequently feeling these things, go for help.

Talk to someone you trust. Virtually every country has suicide hotlines. If you need to call – either for yourself or for someone you know – do so. Now, please.

And take care of yourself. The same ingredients that make you happy (see the “Happiness” chapter) also help you get out of a funk that could be dangerous. Call a friend, play music, go for a walk or a run, take a warm bath, paint your fingernails, kick a soccer ball, write in a journal, check out a movie.

1. Myth: Suicidal teens overreact to life’s events.
   Fact: Not true. Just because someone else – often an adult – thinks a suicidal teen is overreacting doesn’t make it so. Even if something isn’t a big deal to one person, it can cause a lot of stress for someone else. In addition, perceived crises are just as predictive of suicidal behavior as actual ones. For instance, if a teen incorrectly thinks that their best friend has deserted them, the emotional impact can be as powerful as if the friend really has deserted them.
2. Myth: Suicide is an act of aggression, anger, or revenge.
   Fact: Despite how the media portrays suicide, the reasons that teens and adults kill themselves almost always stem from feeling they don’t belong and/or feeling that the people they love will be better off without them.
3. Myth: Suicides happen without warning.
   Fact: Very often someone who is suicidal tries to let at least one other person know how they feel. They don’t necessarily say, “I’m thinking about killing myself.” Because people don’t always ask for help directly, it’s important to know the warning signs (above) of suicidal intentions.
   Take seriously anyone who talks about hurting themselves. It is never helpful to assume they’re “just trying to get attention.” Speaking about even the possibility of suicide is a plea for help. Then it’s time to call a responsible person you trust or a hotline.
4. Myth: Suicide is selfish.
   Fact: People who commit suicide do consider how their deaths will affect the people they love. However, rather than thinking, “My mother would be incredibly hurt if I died,” they think, “My mother will be better off after I’m gone.” People who are suicidal feel very, very alone.
5. Myth: People who die by suicide don’t make future plans.
   Fact: People may make extensive plans – to buy a house, try out for the football team, go on vacation, have lunch with a friend – and still be planning suicide. They may buy a new pair of shoes or sign up for a computer class right before their suicide. This is hard for people who have never seriously considered killing themselves to understand. Someone can have two tracks going in their mind. “Those who are dead by suicide today had plans for the future yesterday.”

Suicide is sad to read about, sad to write about, sad to talk about. But absolutely vital. The talking, writing, and reading save lives.

People are afraid to talk about suicide, afraid to admit they have suicidal thoughts, afraid to admit that someone in their family committed suicide. They don’t want to be judged or thought crazy.

Everyone wants to be heard, accepted, and loved. We can do that: Hear, accept, love.

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