Body Image
Too short. Too tall. Too fat. Too skinny. Odd nose. Funny mouth. Hair’s not curly enough or straight enough. Feet are too big and legs are too short. Eyes could be wider and, man, if only my ears didn’t stick out.
Body image issues – the whole subject is enough to make us howl at the moon in frustration.
The way we think about our bodies matters. It affects our self-esteem – how much we value ourselves and how much we think other people value us. And when teen bodies are changing so much, the problems become more confusing. Puberty is its own world of new experiences – voices changing, periods starting, bodies morphing into new shapes. Taller than your mom this week, developing new curves (or not), finding hair where you never had it before – it’s only natural that teens struggle with how to think about their bodies. Peer pressure, cultural standards, body shaming, unrealistic expectations – all these make the job of being happy in your own skin even tougher.
Then throw social media, TV, movies, and zines into the mix, and the urge to howl becomes even stronger.
What’s going on, and what can we do about it?
You can reshape the way you think.
We’ll come to a recipe for happiness. Here’s one for misery: Constantly compare yourself with others.
Wait! Delete that! Let’s talk positively about how you can accept yourself as you are and, at the same time, improve what you can.
The “comparison trap” is a habit, one that can be changed. We’ve all used comparisons to make decisions – this, not that. Some comparisons can be useful, can help us make good choices. But continually comparing our body with someone else’s – that’s not useful or helpful. Besides, simple biology reminds us that different bodies mature at different rates. Just when you start to think you have it rough or that you have an advantage – whoosh! – the bodies all around you change. Yours along with them. All that time spent comparing, feeling inferior or superior, didn’t help at all.
Sometimes hormones, overactive oil glands, or diet can lead to the terror of a teen’s life – zits. Yep, pimples can be hard to live with, but don’t let a breakout control your life.
This body image thing is a tough one, but trust me: You can reshape the way you think and change the way you act.
Some characteristics of your body are in your bones and genes. Short of drastic, expensive, and sometimes dangerous measures, those can’t be changed. Your height, facial symmetry, foot size, hair texture, and skin color make you unique.
Other parts of who you are include your spirit, personality, intelligence, emotions, and artistic/musical/athletic abilities. Can you look yourself in the mirror and smile and like what you see? Can you accept and appreciate yourself and notice how good that feels?
Honestly, often the answer is “no!” Young people want to be perfect. But we tend to look only for faults; that’s the way our mind works. The combination of a desire for perfection and a tendency to see the worst is a lot to overcome. Start slowly. Practice appreciating one part of yourself you normally criticize.
Of course, you can both appreciate your body and want to improve it. The problem comes when you think you have to change your body dramatically in order to like yourself or have others like you. And remember the diet, cosmetics, and fashion businesses only make money by persuading you that you need to change your appearance – by using their products.
So what can you do to build a more positive view of yourself, to boost your confidence, to be healthier and happier? To drop the habit of constant self-criticism?
Maybe you’re flexible or coordinated or fast on your feet. Maybe you can paint or tear up the piano or put Shakespeare to shame. Maybe you’re good at helping someone with their math. Be willing to try something new, something you may or may not excel at doing. Exploring new interests can help you feel good about yourself (and maybe make a new friend).
Being physically active is a dynamite way to have fun, develop confidence, make friends, and get or stay healthy. From running or team sports on a field to doing tai chi or yoga, from mountain biking with a buddy to bhangra dancing, you have lots of choices about how to move it. Doing so develops both physical and mental confidence.
Maybe you want to start a strength-training program. Of course, you’ll want to have medical clearance and qualified help. With a sensible course of strength training (2–3 times a week for 20 to 60 minutes), teens can build and strengthen their bones and muscles and move better. At the same time, you can boost your mood – “lifting weights can lift your spirits.”
One way to get a more positive body image is to take care of yourself. Eat wisely and get enough sleep – growing teens need a lot. Shower, wash your hair, brush your teeth. Wear clean clothes. Stay totally away from smoking. These things make you more confident about yourself and more appealing to other people.
Teens are going through physical, mental, and emotional changes. You need down time. Eight to ten hours of sleep every night is important.
If you find that you’re constantly criticizing yourself, work on replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. Instead of standing in front of the mirror and focusing on everything you don’t like about what you see, flip your thinking. Look for what you do like. Try giving yourself three compliments a day about anything – the way you look, the way you encouraged a friend, the time you took to study for a science test. Compliment yourself like you’d compliment a friend. Don’t worry too much about those negative thoughts that seem to hang around and hang around. Everyone has them, but we don’t want to let them take over.
Sometimes people become obsessed with food, body weight, and shape. Anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating can be a result of those obsessions. These eating disorders are illnesses that can lead to very serious problems and even death.
Let’s learn more about them. If you think you might have any of these disorders (or a combination of them), please get help – or if someone you care about shows signs of an eating disorder, be a good friend and help them. There’s lots of help available, from national hotlines to websites to counselors to clinics.
Anorexia – Here’s the thing. People with anorexia often think they’re overweight when they may be seriously underweight. Imagine looking in a mirror and seeing a body that doesn’t exist, one with many added pounds. This illusion contributes to a whole set of unhealthy behaviors – barely eating anything or only eating very small amounts of a few foods, stepping on the scales constantly (perhaps many times a day), and/or excessive exercise. Because anorexia results in severe malnutrition, it creates a risk for heart attacks, strokes, or brain damage.
Bulimia – Again and again, people with bulimia eat huge amounts of food in a short amount of time. They often feel out of control while eating – like they can’t stop or can’t control what they eat. Between binges, they may fast or eat very little. To make up for overeating, they sometimes force themselves to vomit, use laxatives or diuretics constantly, or exercise excessively. Bulimia can seriously harm teeth, the throat, and the digestive system.
Binge eating – Like bulimia, this disorder is characterized by periods of out-of-control eating. Unlike bulimia, people who binge eat don’t try to compensate with vomiting, laxatives, or constant exercise. They are unable to stay on a healthy diet. They eat alone or in secret because they’re embarrassed, and they eat when they’re already full. Becoming overweight or obese is often the result.
- Counseling – either individual, group, or family-based therapy.
- Learning about nutrition and getting help to make a plan for healthy eating.
- Medications
- Medical care and monitoring of progress.This may include alternative therapies such as acupuncture, as desired and needed by individuals.
Remember that being overly critical of your body is a learned behavior. You weren’t born thinking you needed to look different.
In a short film that illustrates this point, photographers brought in 50 people and sat them down, one by one, on a stool to answer one question: If you could change one thing about your body, what would it be? (In the ‘Dig Deeper’ section at the end of this book you can find the link to the YouTube video. Watch it!)
People of all ages, colors, and body types answered frankly. “My forehead’s too big.” “I have really big ears.” “Definitely my skin.” “Bigger eyes.” “I’d like to be taller.”
Then young children were brought in, maybe ages 3 to 10.
Some of the kids couldn’t think of one single thing they’d like to change.
And the ones who did want a change? Here’s what they said: “I want a mermaid tail.” “Probably like a shark mouth so I could eat a lot of stuff.” “Wings so I could fly.” “Legs like a cheetah so I could run fast.” “Teleportation in my body.”
Isn’t that beautiful? Each child felt their human body was just fine. Of course, every kid wants to add a little magic or animal powers! But as far as being human, no worries. Mission accomplished, no improvements needed.
You can develop some of this same attitude, too. Be your own best friend – encouraging, lighthearted, willing to try, to explore. More accepting than critical, more satisfied than dis. Happy in your own skin.