Passing Through the Three Gates
Every day we speak thousands of words. And although we know that as human beings we should always address each other with love, respect and kindness, we still find ourselves caught up in situations where unkind or bitter remarks slip out. We forget about the impact our words can have on our fellow beings. It is only in hindsight that we shake our heads in disappointment and ask ourselves how we allowed such words to escape from our lips.
The truth is, it only takes a few seconds to verbalize our thoughts, but even if we had an eternity, we could never take back words that have been spoken. Just as it takes time and effort to build a sand castle but only a second to destroy it, likewise, relationships built over time with love and respect can be destroyed in the blink of an eye by a reckless slip of the tongue. And very often, no number of apologies or sincere efforts to make amends can heal a heart that has been injured, not to mention the effect it would have on our spiritual wellbeing. It is for this reason saints and mystics remind their disciples to always think before speaking.
A wound inflicted on the body with a sharp weapon heals up in time, but not so the wound that the tongue inflicts on the heart of a man. Beware of hurting the feelings of any living being. This should be given as much importance as the vows of abstinence from meat, etc., that we take at the time of initiation.
Maharaj Jagat Singh, The Science of the Soul
There is a Buddhist saying that may sound familiar to us:
Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates:
At the first gate, ask yourself, is it true?
At the second gate ask, is it necessary?
At the third gate ask, is it kind?
This adage encourages us to:
- Speak words that are true
Every sincere seeker knows that when we are not speaking the truth – and this applies to exaggeration and ‘half-truths’ – we are actually committing an act of deception. And while we may be able to deceive others, we can never deceive the omniscient and omnipresent Lord. Nothing is hidden from him. Every act of deception is a sin and will eventually need to be accounted for.
One should not only speak the truth but adopt truth as a way of life. A disciple should idealize truth in his thoughts and make it an integral part of his character. One whose consciousness is imbued with truth is straightforward and honest in his dealings and is consciously in tune with the Lord at all times.
Maharaj Sawan Singh, Philosophy of the Masters, Vol. III
- Speak only when necessary
The mystics explain the fruitlessness of engaging in endless discussions and suggest that it is nothing but a waste of both physical and spiritual energy. With our hectic lifestyles, it only makes logical sense to conserve our energy and channelize it towards our spiritual life. Moreover, habitual and excessive talk lead to slander and arguments, thus adding fuel to our own ego, thereby creating disturbance in our meditation. For this reason it has often been said that, “In the war of ego, the winner is actually the loser.”
Much physical and spiritual energy is dissipated by talking. Silence is golden. Speak as little as possible. Open your lips only when it is most necessary. And when you must speak, do so in the most kind and gentle manner. Never lose your temper over anything. You are not running this world. Leave that to Him whose function it is to do so. If a person behaves in a stupid fashion, you need not copy him nor adopt his ways. Always keep your tongue (the two-edged sword) under control.
Maharaj Jagat Singh, The Science of the Soul
- Speak words with love and kindness
Speaking words out of anger, reacting to situations, passing judgments on others and making rude remarks hinder our own spiritual development. Saints remind us that it is our duty to keep custody of our own tongue. While we do not have much control over what others may say to us, we should be able to have control over ourselves.
The Lord loves the humble and the low. Beware of injuring the heart of any man. God lives there. To those who break another’s heart, the gates of heaven shall ever remain closed. Always speak gently, lovingly and selflessly. The higher the position you hold, the humbler your mind should be. A sweet word never costs anything, but wins the world.
Maharaj Jagat Singh, The Science of the Soul
Mystics remind us to pay heed to the tricks of the mind, as the mind is very clever in coming up with justifications such as: “We are only human, we are bound to make mistakes. Do not worry too much; you can just repeat several rounds of simran to wash away the karmas. The Master says that we must also not be doormats.” However, the fact is, if, while we are attempting to eliminate our current karmic debt, at the same time we are accumulating new debt, then naturally our spiritual progress will be impeded.
Saints remind us that the tongue was given to man to heal and uplift and not to hurt and humiliate. True masters serve as our examples. They only speak the truth and they do so with gentle loving-kindness. They are in tune with the Lord and their words reflect his purity and goodness.
On the flip side, what happens if we are on the receiving end of harsh and unkind words? There are many paths for us to pursue. We can remain silent and thank the Lord for giving us another opportunity to develop patience and forbearance. We can remind ourselves that this life is only a dream and such trivial matters have no significance in the grand scheme of things. We can let it go; forgive and forget and feel lighter and happier. And lastly, we can always put our loving Master in our thoughts and think about what response would please him, and then simply continue with our simran, using the opportunity to deepen and strengthen our relationship with him.
In futile discussion is much poison,
In much talk is great mischief.
Keep your mouth shut, suffer all in silence.
And remember the Name unfathomable.
Kabir, The Great Mystic