Attachment
There is a beautiful quotation from Baba Ji in The Equilibrium of Love.
Well, you know Hazur loved roses. You are all his roses, and he gave me the seva of the gardener to look after his garden and his roses.
Just as there are thousands of different varieties of flowers, we too come in different sizes, shapes and colours, even though we all enter the world via the same biological process.
Moreover, just as the roots of a plant increase in volume throughout its life, our attachments multiply as we grow older and the sphere of our connections increase. This article explores why, despite knowing that ties to our family and friends are temporary, we continue devoting nearly all of our time and energy into nurturing these attachments giving little time to deepening the one true relationship in our life: that with the Master.
Relationships are necessary but…
A flowering plant has several parts, each performing a specific function to support a seedling’s transformation to full bloom. The roots, for instance, anchor the plant in the soil and absorb oxygen, water and other nutrients, feeding these to the plant as needed. Sepals, located at the base of a flower, enclose the developing bud before it opens and shield it from harsh weather and pests. Similarly, our close relationships nourish, protect, and support us during life’s stormy phases. As John Donne, the 17th century English poet, said, “No man is an island”.
While spirituality acknowledges the importance of relationships for our physical well-being and spiritual development, it warns us not to become obsessed or overly attached to them.
Buddhism, for instance, views attachments as a significant obstacle to achieving enlightenment – a view shared by a 16th century Catholic saint, Saint Ignatius of Loyola, who developed a set of “spiritual exercises”. These were designed specifically “to conquer oneself and regulate one’s life” in such a way that decisions are based not on likes or dislikes, but that which is most conducive to achieve one’s primary purpose in life. For Ignatius, indifference to one’s circumstances facilitates union with God. The spiritual exercises, therefore, sought to liberate these practitioners from their likes and dislikes so that their choices came to be governed solely by what they discerned to be God’s will.
In most of the RSSB books, the masters say that pride, or vanity, is the last to go and thus the worst, though Hazur always used to say they’re all the worst.
In The Path of the Masters, Dr Johnson explains why, of the five passions, attachments pose a great danger to realizing our spiritual goal:
It does seem so very reasonable and proper that one should have and enjoy spouse, children, positions of honour and of public service, money, houses, lands, and securities. Indeed, we may concede that such things are necessary and proper. The individual knows that, and our gentle friend, moh (attachment), steps in with such benevolent airs and says: “Yes, surely, you must give diligent attention to these things; it is your duty”.
We devote so much time and effort to our relationships, our work and to accumulating wealth that we have neither the time nor energy left to shift our attention away from the illusionary nature of the world and turn it within. If we focused more on simran during the day, we would form a relationship with the Lord. However, most of the time, we’re so preoccupied with the internal chatter of the mind or fulfilling our familial responsibilities that we aren’t even aware that we’ve forgotten our simran. By falling into the trap of viewing our relationships with loved ones as real, we exceed our obligations to them and, conversely, fall short of fulfilling our duty to the Master. This is why – as noted in Spiritual Discourses, Vol. II –
Maharaj Charan Singh often said that our loved ones are “thugs”:
A swindler presents himself so lovingly that he becomes one of us, and with our own hands we happily give him whatever we have. Once he leaves us we realize what we have done, and then we cry that we have been robbed and cheated. All those we think of as our own are swindlers.
We spend our lives entangled in our love and attachment for them. They do not permit us to be aware of the purpose for which the Lord has graced us with this human form; of the relationship between our soul and the Lord.
Hazur Maharaj Ji is explaining that we lose our sense of balance with each new relationship or ambition. For example, during the first throes of a romance, we spend so much time with the person we love that we neglect our family and friends. Our attention shifts again once we have children, and we become so absorbed in every aspect of their well-being that we ignore our soul’s welfare.
The same thing happens with work. We desire money, status, and respect from others, so we work long hours and even weekends. Believing we lack time, we either don’t meditate or, if we do, we fail to do so with our full attention, focusing instead on the forthcoming day’s demands and the tasks we need to complete. Once at work, we’re in a frenzy, manically checking off items on our never-ending ‘to-do’ list. In the precious few hours between finishing work and the start of the following day, we manage to squeeze in a gym session before going home, feeding the family, putting the children to bed, surfing the web, looking for the latest moisturizer promising to combat wrinkles and, of course, we can’t end the day without watching some television and checking our social media. By the end of the day, we collapse into bed, utterly exhausted.
The following morning, we either sleep through the alarm or sheer fatigue prevents us from meditating. Yet, to sit still and silently repeat the Lord’s names for two and a half hours, a mere ten percent of our day, is such a small ask – especially considering what we stand to gain. However, ignoring the Master’s advice, we continue following our daily routine until time catches up with us, and we realize we’re old. Death is looming, and we realize we’ve failed to work towards our goal. Moreover, our loved ones, to whom we gave so much attention, are nowhere to be seen. Our children have grown and are engrossed in their lives while our spouse has died or left us.
Meanwhile, not only has our appearance deteriorated, but we’ve also got aches, pains, and possibly a serious illness. Reflecting on our life, we regret not making time for meditation. Is it too late? Have we lost the game? Cursing ourselves for squandering our precious chance and anxious about death, we beg the Master to shower his grace and help us.
However, as he often reminds us, Baba Ji is not here to give us false reassurances by letting us think that spirituality requires minimal effort on our part. Isn’t it arrogant, illogical and nonsensical to expect to achieve spirituality at the time of death if our entire life has been devoted to materiality? Baba Ji also informs us that immeasurable grace is continually being bestowed on us from the moment we are born; our human birth and initiation are just two examples. Rather than asking for more grace, it’s time for us to show our gratitude for all we’ve received by practising meditation as diligently as possible.
Shabd is the only power that can sever our attachments to the world. No matter how hard we try to detach ourselves from our family, friends and wealth or become indifferent to other people’s opinions of us, fighting our mind with the mind will never work. We need something more powerful and more enjoyable than anything we already have.
From our perspective, it seems God has designed and created a world that keeps us trapped by making us believe in its reality. It operates according to his will. Why? We don’t know, but he has given us the technique to break free from our illusionary reality and the suffering it causes. Just as the flower’s roots don’t have to be forcefully pulled out, it is possible to be liberated from the creation without suffering. All we need to do is practise the method taught to us by the Master. In Philosophy of the Masters, Vol. IV, the Great Master states:
The Kingdom of Sach Khand is within us, but it cannot be entered without knowing the proper way. We should go within. The way to do this is the practice of listening to the Shabd. It is only by this practice that we can obtain release from the mind and Maya, pain and pleasure, duality and birth and death.
We know what to do and how to do it, so let’s make the most of the incredible gift of Nam by pleasing our Master and achieving eternal freedom.